


reputation

by moonlightrenjun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 00 line is above drinking age, Alternate Universe, Fluff and Angst, Lots of confusion, Love Triangles, M/M, everyone's out of college!, jaeyong prelude + noren noren noren, lots of drinking and getting drunk whoops, taeyong and renjun are cousins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 14:10:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15798144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightrenjun/pseuds/moonlightrenjun
Summary: of course it started at taeyong’s doctorate party. if not here, where else?





	reputation

 

**DRESS;**

_'cause i don’t want you like a best friend. only bought this dress so you could take it off’_

 

the party seems to be going so well, and taeyong’s glad for once that he agreed with jaehyun to host it. jaehyun had planned this down to the last decoration placement, all while taeyong wrapped up his doctorate, presenting it to his teachers one last time. he’s glad they’re hosting, glad to see all of his family and friends mingling, glad that they could all come and support taeyong.

 

a rush of sympathy comes unexpectedly to his heart as his watches his youngest cousin, park jisung, attempt with the other youngest, chenle, to steal some wine. although they might be a few days away from drinking age, they get a talking to, and taeyong laughs because he can still remember the days when he tried to steal some drinks right under uncle johnny’s nose. the talk he got from uncle johnny was so terrifying that taeyong didn’t touch a glass much less drink until a year after he was of drinking age.

 

however, there’s a real reason that taeyong’s scanning the crowd and he pouts, unable to find the one person he wants to see.

 

and as the party drags on, tayong gets impatient, because he so _desperately_ wants to find jaehyun. the lights are dim, and maybe that’s perhaps why he can’t find him, but his heart that pumps from adrenaline and the drinks are telling him otherwise.

 

taeyong needs to find jaehyun.

 

taeyong knows that soon, he won’t have the courage he currently possesses, the bravery that makes him want to go up to jaehyun and just take him by the arm to some secluded area to finally tell him how he feels. he needs to find jaehyun soon before the words won’t come out of his mouth, before he gets all blocked up, worried about rejection, alcohol no longer flowing through his veins, serving its purpose as a relaxer. taeyong needs to tell jaehyun how he’s felt over the years, how jaehyun fell straight into his heart all those years ago at the college party with the insanely loud music.

 

through the years of buzzcuts and bleached hair, jaehyun’s been there, an angel of protection to the taeyong who relied on jaehyun to be there for him through thick and thin.

 

through the times of taeyong’s poor choices in partners, and his awful taste in clothing, jaehyun has stuck to him, a soothing shoulder to rest on.

 

during junior year, when the guy from chem didn’t text back for three days (and then later texted back a ‘idk’) jaehyun sat through it with taeyong, he patted and soothed as taeyong’s confidence dropped to an all time low, and helped bringing it back up again.

 

it has always been jaehyun, even when taeyong attempted to date all those other people (emphasis on attempted). they were all just a replacement for jaehyun because taeyong didn’t want to ruin what they already had. the ones he dated were just people that taeyong compared to with jaehyun, and found unsatisfactory, because _they weren’t jaehyun._

 

it has always been jaehyun.

 

from their first meeting at the party with wine and a bathroom tub they fell into drunkenly when the cops came, silence as the footsteps grew louder, taeyong pressing his hand against jaehyun’s mouth and vice versa; and giggles as the wine glasses they were holding spilled into the tub, creating wine prints on taeyong’s white shirt and jaehyun’s grey pants.

 

at the time, taeyong had been so drunk that he suggested they drink it up, but not drunk enough to forget about that the next day. jaehyun had just laughed at that suggestion, and prevented taeyong from drinking a bathtub full of wine, leading him to the bed instead to sleep.

 

when he woke up the next morning, raging headache and wrapped in jaehyun’s arms, surpringly nothing was awkward. they parted ways slowly that morning, jaehyun giving taeyong his phone number with the promise of “hitting him up”.

 

their next meeting consisted of a late-night movie night when taeyong texted jaehyun on a whim, bored. jaehyun showed up, only ten minutes later, with movies and snacks. they stayed up, talking, watching silly rom-coms, and trying to get a sense of the other person. taeyong was so innocent then; he hadn’t even made out with someone. and when he admitted that to jaehyun, his eyes widened—taeyong can still the scene clearly—and asked taeyong if he could be his first. after all, they were going to be “the baddest best fucking friends” out there.

 

after that kiss however, taeyong couldn’t help but think that they could be so much more than friends.

 

taeyong can imagine waking up everyday next to a beautiful face, one he wants to see over and over again, one he can’t get enough of. they have, after all, already slept next to each other, and taeyong would go as far as to say that there is an indentation in his bed from all the times jaehyun’s been over in his room. a cuddle session is nothing unusual to jaehyun and taeyong. in fact, it would be odd for the two of them to not make some sort of skinship in bed; whether it be through hand-holding, or leg-tangling, and of course, the ever popular arm-wrapping.

 

so now here taeyong is, frustrated by the lack of jaehyun in his view, and swarmed by people, coming to congratulate him on his doctorate in the living room. he hates that with some many people coming up talk about future collaborations and many congratulations, all he can think about is jaehyun, and how much better everything would be if jaehyun was here.

 

from the corner of his eye, he spots his cousin, renjun, along with his date tonight, jaemin. they look wary of the crowd, but taeyong wants to get away, and so, as a final attempt, taeyong shouts out “cous!” stretching out to renjun, hoping everyone else gets the message. they disperse as taeyong makes his way over to renjun, clapping him on the back while facing jaemin, who gives him such a warm smile that it warms taeyong’s heart up.

 

“wow, this one is a real looker! how do you always get the handsome ones renjun?” he says brightly, realizing his mistake too late. he tries pulling back but it’s too late, renjun’s flinching and the mood has soured, turning more and more awkward as the seconds click by.

 

_renjun still isn’t over jeno; taeyong and renjun both know...but does jaemin?_

 

“babe…can you get us some drinks?” renjun asks jaemin who nods, pulling his hand out of renjun’s and leaving the room walking directly towards the kitchen. renjun, without another word, leaves the room and taeyong follows after him.

 

“jun, i’m sorry.” he apologizes, taking ahold of renjun’s wrist, stopping renjun on the stairs that are deserted. renjun shrugs, trying to seem calm. however, taeyong can see through it. after all, taeyong’s known renjun since he was in the womb. taeyong felt his aunt’s stomach with renjun and mark inside, and he loved to take them to the park when they were little, pushing them on baby swings while they shouted ‘higher!’.

 

taeyong can still tell when renjun’s not okay; he reads renjun like an open book. mark is harder, taeyong can’t read him the way he reads renjun, and the whole family knows it. they joke that renjun and taeyong are the real twins with their insane telepathy. renjun is someone taeyong wants to protect so badly; and when renjun hurts, taeyong feels as if he’s hurt too.

 

it’s the eyes, the subtle twitch, as well as the falter in confidence. taeyong can tell that renjun’s still conflicted by the whole jeno jaemin situation, and it hurts taeyong that he can’t solve this for renjun. after all, it’s been three years. taeyong had just started his doctorate when they broke up and now here he was, done with his doctorate.

 

all his life, taeyong has helped renjun. he has picked him up when he fell trying to walk as a baby; he tutored him through the cursed geometry; he fixed his suit as valedictorian. but this time, taeyong doesn’t know how to help. he feels useless; and taeyong concludes that this is the worst feeling...ever.

 

“where’s jaehyun? i thought you two would be attached by the hip!” renjun grumbles, obviously trying to change the subject, but that won’t work on taeyong. he is getting quite wiser as he ages (if he does say so himself).

 

“jun.” he interjects, taking renjun’s palms into his own as renjun barely blinks an eye. renjun knows how serious taeyong can be about things, and how he believes the advice he gives renjun helps him on his way. renjun’s not dumb enough to tell taeyong otherwise; it makes taeyong feel wiser and renjun likes making taeyong feel more confident because renjun knows that that’s what he deserves.

 

“follow your heart, or else you’ll always regret it. look at me, i’m at my doctorate party and i can’t be happy because i want to find jaehyun and kiss him. follow your heart, or you'll end up with regrets. do you understand?” _it's drunk taeyong talking, definitely._ he can already imagine the devilish little text he'll get from renjun tomorrow about being "so wise". he shakes renjuns’ hands and looks up, only to find renjun’s eyes surprisingly glassy, filled with tear-water.

 

renjun tugs his hands apart and babbles a hasty goodbye, leaving a taeyong sitting on the stairs. taeyong barely has time to shout at renjun to come back because the devil himself, jaehyun walks over to taeyong. as soon as taeyong lays eyes on jaehyun, he forgets all about renjun and the odd running away.

 

all he can see are those brown eyes lingering on his face.

 

jaehyun clears his throat. “i uh couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with renjun.” he murmurs as taeyong blushes a bright red, praying the dim lighting covers up his blush. jaehyun draps himself over taeyong getting closer and closer to the other as taeyong racks his brain for something to say.

 

for once, his brain responds, and he growls. “kiss me.” jaehyun presses his lips onto taeyong’s without the slightest bit of hesitation, before finally ending the kiss as outside voices seem to be moving closer. jaehyun takes a deep breath, “we should-” he gestures to the kitchen, “-go back, see our guests, i wanna introduce you as my boyfriend.” a simple smile plays on his lips, but taeyong’s still concerned about renjun.

 

“give me a second!” he concentrates on his old messages, going into renjun and his’s texts, typing a few texts before following jaehyun back into the hub of the party, hand in hand.

 

_(6)missed texts._

_taeyong: text me when you get this sweetheart <33 _

 

_taeyong: please don’t take what i said too harsh_

_taeyong: everything works out in the end_

_taeyong: i love you_

_taeyong: don’t do anything stupid !!_

_taeyong: we should talk about how you feel with jeno vs jaemin, im a nice listener okayyyyy_

_taeyong: text me when you get this sweetheart <33 _

 

_renjun: i love u too_

_renjun: and yeah, we should talk sometime_

_renjun: but i think i’ve made my decision_

 

renjun has made up his mind because as much as it hurts, he knows what he wants. he’s always been so afraid, _too_ afraid, _too_ needy to choose it. listening to taeyong talk about jaehyun…that brought renjun back to an ex he was crazy for, an ex who was crazy for him. someone who drove him wild, made him stop in his tracks. an ex that he would run across the world for a single kiss, the one he  always felt like he didn't deserve. the ex he couldn't think rationally with.

 

so with shaky hands, renjun picks up his phone while in the passenger seat with jaemin, driving home. he slides his messages open, scrolling until he finds the right one. taeyong was right when he talked about not regretting renjun’s youth. he wouldn’t—not this time.

 

_renjun: hey_

_jeno </3: hey? _

_renjun: i miss u_

_jeno </3: i miss you so much _

_jeno </3: fuck _

 

_change contact name?_

_[ y ]    [ n ] _

 

_jeno <3 _

 

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

 

**GETAWAY CAR;**

_‘no nothing good starts in a getaway car’_

 

 _i’m so sorry_  

is what begins renjun’s letter to jaemin as he pauses, his hands shaking as he looks over to jaemin, who is peacefully sleeping, unaware of the hurricane happening in front of him. days of peaceful kisses and nights of adventures fly through renjun’s mind, where renjun _thought_ he could love jaemin, and where jaemin gave renjun his whole heart. renjun admitted to himself that day that he couldn’t love jaemin—but he knew damn well he could try.

 

and that’s the truth: renjun _could_ stay, he _could_ play the part to make jaemin happy, he _could_ laugh and live his life with jaemin. but what about what taeyong said?

 

part of renjun just wants to go back to the bed, to go back to jaemin, and feel his heartbeat against his own for the last time. but the other half knows that if he does that, he’ll never leave. he’ll just stay stuck to jaemin who deserves more than just a half-assed love.

 

_i don’t love you._

renjun tried.

 

he had tried to make this work, he tried with fancy dinners and nice vacations. he tried with gifts and i-love-you poems that he worked hard at, struggling to force jeno out of his brain. he so desperately wanted to forget about jeno for jaemin because jaemin _is_ so much sweeter, jaemin is the one to be called a nice boy by everyone they know, the kind of guy his parents love. he knows how delighted they were every time they saw him with jaemin, better than that “high-maintenance fashion boy”. jaemin knows how to impress; he knows what to say to get the whole family practically begging renjun to marry jaemin.

 

but then there’s jeno. and fuck, every time renjun thinks of jeno, his heart beats a little faster. jeno is everything that renjun is not, and somehow, that's everything. jeno is confident, jeno is brave, and he trusts—well trusted—renjun dearly. no matter what his parents spewed at jeno, jeno had some sort of comeback that made renjun happy; and no matter what life threw at them, jeno fixed it.

 

_we were cursed from the beginning, and it’s my fault._

renjun started dating jaemin for all the wrong reasons.

 

he started dating jaemin to get jeno out of his head, to stop the excessive thoughts of jeno and to find someone new. but that never works in the end, and now renjun realizes how much he’s hurt everyone around.

 

he can still see the first time they met like it was yesterday.

 

it was to no one’s surprise that jeno had cheated on renjun, except for renjun himself. his own parents had been calling it for years, but renjun still couldn’t believe the sight before his eyes. a small room, dim red lighting, and jeno, pressed up against a nameless guy, one that renjun could tell, even in dim lighting had to be much handsomer than renjun was.

 

renjun can still remember the blinking away of tears forming in his eyes after what he just witnessed and jeno, chasing renjun after, trying to make amends, screaming at renjun and telling him that the guy he saw pushed up against jeno meant nothing to him. then renjun was hiding alone at the small bar afterwards, with nothing but candles for light, downing an old fashioned and watching as the number of missed calls grew. that’s when jaemin showed up, looking like renjun’s only option to escape the madness. renjun can still see the passion in jeno’s eyes as he looked into renjun’s own, swearing that he never meant to harm renjun. and then jaemin’s warm ones, at the bar that night, placing his hand over renjun’s and telling him that everything ends up going right in the end.

 

his eyes fill with tears as he writes the last words down on the paper.

 

_find someone better and be happy <3 - renjun _

pressing his lips to the envelope, he leaves on the coffeemaker, the first destination for jaemin when he wakes up. renjun looks around the room one last time, to the slightly crooked selfie taken the first date, to the blanket jaemin gifted renjun after long days of working in a cold building.

 

renjun knows that there’s no way jeno’s here yet, and he collapses into a chair, trying to savor his last moments.

 

he hasn’t thought about leaving yet, and he can’t bare to think about what might happen about he leaves. what changes it might bring to him. but he’s going through with it anyway. he tries to force himself to understand that leaving jaemin is the right choice, but it’s hard as he sits here, watching jaemin take soft breaths in and out.

 

finally, he stretches, receiving the text from jeno, getting his possessions and taking one last look at the place before he leaves. for good.

 

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

 

**SO IT GOES;**

_‘i’m yours to keep, and i’m yours to lose’_

 

renjun scans the street, eyes lingering on shadows that appear to grow smaller and signs that dangle in the wind. in his hand lies a pouch of money, delicately placed around his wrist like a common wallet. in his other? a enormous suitcase that is a soft baby pink, a color that defies the nighttime atmosphere. he stands, his back pushed against the brick wall that has been painted over the normally red with a sultry black that blends in with the night. renjun himself blends in with the night. dressed in leather pants and a simple black shirt with a dark blue jacket slung across his shoulders, his one accessory is a ring on his finger, gold shining against the black background.

 

a car light flashes, and renjun darts his eyes to the car now standing in front of him, a silver car, one that is extremely familiar to the short boy. the window rolls down and a hand sticks out, gesturing for renjun to get into the passenger seat. that he does, pulling his seatbelt over his outfit, looking straight ahead at the road before them before turning back to jeno.

 

“you look better than ever.” renjun murmurs to jeno, as jeno drives, one hand on the wheel, the other already placed on renjun’s. he only nods in recognition, focusing on driving as a slow lull of music plays over the awkwardness of the atmosphere.

 

they get to the bar, and renjun’s mind screams of memories as they get out.

 

“you, uh, you look gorgeous.”  jeno says with a face of shock as they get out of the car, a real first view of each other. renjun is speechless to say the least at jeno. and they silently make their way into the bar on sunset and vine.

 

this bar was one that renjun and jeno used to go all the way back to their days, days of luxury and fancy parties; and mostly, of sneaking out of them. jeno tosses the car keys to the valet, placing his arm around renjun, and takes him to the back of bar, to a secluded booth. they sit down, neither saying anything, waiting for their drinks to arrive. the sounds of low outsider voices fill the silence that is present. renjun lazily looks through the dessert menu as they wait.

 

finally the drinks arrive, and renjun’s finger rolls around the glass as jeno utters the first sentence. “what’s up?” renjun looks up to jeno under his long eyelashes, his face already flushed, and utters the words jeno’s been waiting to hear for three years. “i’ve missed you.”

 

jeno wants nothing more than to jump up in delight, and rush over to renjun’s side to hug him and bring him back to the apartment that used to be the two of theirs. but he, for some odd reason, feels like there’s a catch to all of this. after all, why after _all this time_? so he tenses, trying to act calm, and says a “yeah, i do too, what should we do?” cracking a smirk that he hopes renjun will catch, and leaning back into the booth.

 

by now, the buzz of the room is gone, and the clock strikes three am, a time that jeno knows tends to be reserved for those truly drunk. judging by the silence that rushes with anger, jeno’s positive that him and renjun are the closest people to soberness in the bar (that is, other than the bartender).

 

renjun just shrugs, and asks a simple question. “do you still have the apartment?”

 

and jeno has one answer. “yes.” _god,_ renjun has missed that apartment so much, from the moment he walked away to jeno. it’s filled with memories of the two of them, being their goofy selves together. and clearly, jeno can see what it means to renjun, as he holds both of renjun’s hands over the table. “do you want to see it?”

 

the moment renjun nods they’re out of the bar and jeno’s calling for the valet to “hurry up”. renjun smiles up to his eyes, for probably the first time in years because he hasn’t truly felt this free since he got with jaemin. in his pocket his phone buzzes, but renjun doesn’t care for the texts that appear on his screen.

 

whatever time he has with jeno, he wants to appreciate it, and live it to the fullest.

 

_(20)missed texts_

_jaemin: i can’t believe it._

_taeyong: honey, why is jaemin standing outside of my apartment?_

_jaehyun: hey renjun, i’d appreciate it if you could stop making my boyfriend and your (ex?) boyfriend feel bad thanks_

 

they head down the road, down familiar streets to the apartment that renjun longed to see again. he nearly gasps seeing the place again. renjun and jeno both put their heart into decorating it, and it was clear that jeno hadn’t let go of that idea.

 

the plants are watered, and the door seems to have a fresh coat of paint. jeno unlocks the door, taking renjun into the foyer, where he looks up the chandelier and balcony that evokes memories of throwing paper cups from the balcony to the chandelier, truly drunk out of their minds, collecting points every time they got a cup onto the chandelier; winner getting a free kiss from the other.

 

“it still looks the same.” renjun says out loud, placing a hand over his heart, and jeno nods appreciatively.

 

“it’s all yours if you want to try this again.” he says back, cautiously looking towards renjun, who shines the brightest smile.

 

“let’s do it!” he says, looking to jeno with nothing but love in his eyes as jeno scoops him up into his arms as he heads to their old bedroom, renjun shrieking with laughter at how easily jeno is still able to pick him up, like he weighs nothing but a pillow.

 

_(20)missed texts:_

 

_jaemin: sending a note was vv dramatic_

_jaemin: don’t u think we shouldve talked it out?_

_jaemin: i cant believe it._

_jaemin: i thought we were fine_

_jaemin: i thought you were fine_

_jaemin: and now here i am, realizing what an idiot i am_

_jaemin: youve never loved me_

_jaemin: i wonder if taeyong knows about this_

_jaemin: how would you like for him to find out hmmm_

_jaemin: im headed over if you want to come from wherever you are to talk to us_

_jaemin: or don’t_

_jaemin: i give up_

 

_taeyong: honey, why is jaemin standing outside my house?_

_taeyong: god renjun_

_taeyong: i can’t believe it._

_taeyong: don’t tell me you acted rash based on what i did_

_taeyong: are you with that jeno now?_

_taeyong: you know he’s no good for you right?_

_taeyong: text me when you get these, ily_

 

_jaehyun: hey renjun, i’d appreciate it if you could stop making my boyfriend and your (ex?) boyfriend feel bad thanks_

 

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

 

**DELICATE;**

_‘is it cool that i said all that? is it chill that you’re in my head?'_

 

renjun wakes up to a delicious smell, and he hopes he isn’t dreaming. back at the apartment—although jaemin and renjun both tried to come up with a cooking schedule—by the time renjun had waken up, jaemin was already on his way to work, and renjun sat alone at their dining table, cereal or oatmeal, depending on the day, staring at the empty chair in front of him dazedly.

 

but this new breakfast, renjun almost feels like serves as a new beginning. it’s the opening of a new door; a hand pulling him up into a beautiful world.

 

it’s the new start to jeno and him, to days of excitement that renjun forgot existed, to small kisses, and lounging around with nothing to do, jeno’s arm around renjun, protecting him from the world outside of them two of them. they watched the same tv shows, and renjun doesn’t know how he could’ve forgotten the love for ‘the sound of music’ they shared. jaemin tried to be into it; but after the fourth re-watch, he said he was tired of it and went into another room, choosing to watch another movie. however for jeno and him, the sound of music seems to be a practically routine movie to watch every few days, and they went around the house, shout-quoting the movie for all its worth.

 

the only thing standing in the way of renjun happily telling jeno how much he loves him is the delicateness of their relationship; renjun still doesn’t know where jeno stands.

 

that’s what frightens him, that’s what makes him move a little farther from jeno. renjun can’t imagine that all his dreams are coming true; he can’t believe the possibility of jeno’s still loving him for all these years is true.

 

it feels impossible.

 

because in what world do guys that look like jeno, pick guys that look like renjun? in what world is jeno okay that renjun is small, that renjun doesn’t really like public attention, and he’s not one for talking to those he doesn’t know well.

 

these thoughts build up in renjun’s mind the more he stays with jeno, and he doesn’t know how to approach the topic. how does one just say “by the way, i’m totally incapable of thinking that anyone as handsome as you would like someone like me so uh explain please?”

 

renjun definitely doesn’t know how to say that. he barely knows how to respond when jeno does sweet things for him, because ‘i love you’ is too much for unconfident renjun and ‘i like you’ is too little for jeno who deserves more. the best renjun has figured out to do is to simply kiss jeno.

 

the anxiety threatens to build over in renjun’s mind, and he’s doing everything he can to survive another day without the (he presumes) awkward conversation. but it’s not enough today, and the thoughts have popped into his head the moment he wakes up. renjun throws himself back on the bed after attempting to get up.

 

it’s not even jeno that gives him anxiety, it’s the unspeakable separation they have now, the moments in which renjun wonders if things will ever go back to as they were before. 

 

sometime during the renjun moping session, jeno came into the room, and now here he stands, waiting patiently for renjun to open his eyes. renjun sits up immediately, dusting off the non-existent dust and patting the spot on the bed next to him.

 

“jeno….” renjun starts, clamming up, realizing how he close he might be to an unfortunate conversation and more unhappy days. but jeno, seeing how close he might be to the answer of renjun, only puts his hands in renjun’s and stares deep into his eyes. “tell me.”

 

the words rush out of renjun in a hurry, in a jumble. “i just don’t understand how you could ever like someone like me?? i mean you’re-” renjun takes a look at jeno and his body, taking a deep breath, “-you’re so hot, and i’m just….i’m just so not. and i hate that i already love you even though we’ve only just gotten back together for a few weeks now, and i don’t know how you feel about me and i just so, so...so confused.” he doesn’t know what’s caused this sudden burst of bravery, but he’s glad it comes right now, when he needs it the most.

 

jeno shakes his head a few times, giving renjun a kiss on the cheek. “you have absolutely nothing to be worried about renjun. i’m yours to lose. i love you renjun, and i don’t ever think i’ll ever stop. because you see, i love every little itsy-bitsy single thing about you. it’s your smile, your sarcastic manner, your eyes, beautiful and perfect, and most importantly, you. just you in everything. i love the fact that i get to wake up and see your face, and then go to bed and have your face be the last thing i see. i wholeheartedly love you, and i want to stay with you forever and ever, until we’re old. i want to look back and think ‘wow, i really do love the best man in the whole world’.”

 

//////////

 

**KING OF MY HEART;**

_‘say you fancy me not fancy stuff’_

 

a bright red smoothie is placed in front of renjun in a glass has hearts on it. renjun would call it cheesy if he was still so lonely, like the three years past. but now all he does is smile and poke jeno. “baby!” he says to jeno, pointing at the stickers, “look at these!” he takes one off the glass, placing it on jeno’s cheek as he speaks next. “baby? is that what you’re calling me now?” jeno sounds surprised, and his cheeks are a red color, prompting renjun to call him 'baby’ again, much to the dismay of jeno who pouts, “keep your voice down!” he says to renjun; but jeno's smile says otherwise.

 

renjun shrugs, “i just want to let the world know who my baby is.” and jeno lightly punches him, calling him cheesy as renjun whines at the punch, demanding a kiss for the punch.

 

they're done with drinks now, and renjun asks “do you want anything else?”  innocently, digging in his pocket for cash, as jeno says a resounding “yes.”

 

renjun lifts an eyebrow, “what is it?”

 

“your lips.” jeno says, as he places a solid kiss on renjun’s lips. a burst of laughter erupts renjun.

 

“now look who’s being cheesy!”

 

late in the night, the city’s asleep, but renjun’s still out with jeno, their hands pressed together as they make their way across the street. he giggles excitedly, practically high off the sugar that they’d ingested in the past hour after a spontaneous trip to the supermarket.

 

he’s pulled along by jeno, missing puddles in the streets. it had rained while they were in the café, but now it wasn’t even drizzling a bit, and renjun prays that the rain wouldn’t start again tonight. they make their way up to the roof, jeno holding onto renjun and a plastic bag, and renjun holding onto jeno and a six-pack of beers. they sit on the roof in silence for a bit, the only noise being beer caps popped and then drinks being poured into cups. renjun takes the moment of silence they have to reassess his life, and that creates the brightest smile on his face. jeno nudges him at the smile, “why so happy?” he says articulately, but renjun knows that after three beers, he’ll be slurring his words and confessing things left and right.

 

“nothing.” renjun says with a secretive smile on his face (jeno doesn’t buy it).

 

luckily for renjun however, before jeno can question him further, rain pours down and they both shout in surprise. renjun’s hair is drenched, and so is jeno’s. their clothes seem to weigh a ton, and their shoes are sloppily filled with water.

 

they dash into the building, before realizing that the security guard had told them that if he found them in this building again they’d be arrested. long story short: they went on the roof and accidentally dropped a beer down onto the street below—which didn’t hurt anyone. regardless, they’d be screwed to stay in here, especially with the security cameras that linger around every floor.

 

“we’re gonna have to face the storm.” jeno says, biting his lip and wishing he still had the umbrella they had this afternoon. he hesitates as they approach the doors, but renjun tugs him straight into the rain.

 

as soon as the raindrops hit them, renjun feels like he’s in a scene from a movie, jeno’s behind him, running after him, and they’re both whopping in happiness. renjun dances in a circle around a lamp post on the street, doing a little ballerina twirl. and soon, jeno’s got him in his arms, twirling around together in the rain. a little peck on the cheek, and then off they go, rushing down the next street. cars whiz past them, but they don’t let the water that sprays on them bother them.

 

“wait, wait!” jeno says as he stops renjun, running down the street. he lifts an encouraging hand. “run to me, we can do the dirty dancing thing!” jeno says with a twinkle in his eye as renjun laughs in pure delight, running towards jeno, arms stretched out. soon, the cars bustle below renjun; he’s king of the world in jeno’s arms, lifted.

 

but jeno can’t hold onto renjun for that long, and he comes tumbling down into jeno’s arms. they run the rest of the way home, hand in hand when they stumble into the apartment, both extremely wet. “don’t walk any further!” renjun scolds jeno as he grabs a towel from the closet that lies at the entrance.

 

“now dry yourself.”

 

“can you dry me?”

 

//////////

 

**I DID SOMETHING BAD;**

_‘they said i did something bad, but why’s it feel so good?’_

 

the next few days pass in a whirlwind; jeno and renjun both have work to get back too, and they only see each other in the nights and mornings. however, the next saturday renjun comes into the kitchen to find a confused jeno staring down at renjun’s phone, his face turned a pale white.

 

“what’s wrong?” it hits him all of a sudden and he’s ready to crawl into a hole, especially considering the fact that he just dug himself one. “you’re seeing the...texts, aren’t you?” he says sheepishly, and jeno looks up renjun, looking so distressed.

 

“what did you do?” he says, his face agonized, but before renjun can say anything jeno speaks again. “i mean...how did you? why did you…. i don’t understand...w-why?”

 

renjun shrugs, feeling almost embarrassed for himself. “i guess...i guess if i hadn’t left with only a letter, i would have never left. you know how indecisive i am...i would have just stayed unhappily with jaemin, stuck in a relationship. i never would have loved you again.” renjun says, eyes going straight down the floor, realizing how serious this is.

 

but then his eyes snap up suddenly, “but how did you know?” he asks, stepping closer to jeno and the phone in question, “i silenced their texts.”

 

“they’re here.”

 

with those two words, renjun feels as though he’s been hit in the head. _they’re here?_ he thinks, peeking around the corner to the living room where he can see two people, looking around the room openly. his heart starts beating, faster and faster.

 

he definitely didn’t plan to face jaemin and taeyong today.

 

even his outfit says it. he had picked out an oversized pink sweatshirt; if he knew they were coming, he would’ve picked out something fiercer, something that shows that he is doing better than ever, that he doesn’t need them in his life.

 

but that isn’t true.

 

renjun dearly misses taeyong, he misses the outings they had, the food taeyong made. hell, he even misses the ‘serious’ talks taeyong gave him. as for jaemin? well, renjun just feels guilty about it all.

 

he must look seriously ill because jeno looks at him, concerned. “if you don’t feel well i can shoo them out, and have them come back another time?” it doesn’t feel like a question until the end when jeno’s voice goes up, questioning what renjun wants.

 

renjun knows that he has to deal with this, after all, he isn’t going to be one of a crappy main character in one of the many fictional novels he’s read; huang renjun isn’t going to run away from his problems (he already tried that, and lord knows that didn’t work), huang renjun is going to fight to the end.

 

//////////

 

**DONT BLAME ME;**

_‘for you i would cross the line i would waste my time i would lose my mind’_

 

the silence is extremely awkward for starters, and renjun shifts nervously as jeno brings them all their beverages, tea and coffee cups alike balanced on a tray. after placing the tray down, he sits next to renjun, and renjun holds his hand almost habitually. jaemin sees their hand-holding and flushes, his eyes blinking rapidly and avoiding all eye contact with renjun and jeno.

 

renjun doesn’t believe it can get any awkwarder.

 

but apparently it can.

 

taeyong begins talking like he’s doing a history lesson. he goes over everything that’s happened, and it takes all the control renjun has and the fact that jeno is here supporting him to from running straight out of the room in embarrassment. by the time taeyong is done, renjun is unsure if he can ever look him in the eye again.

 

but then taeyong clears his throat. “the floor is yours children, go ahead.” he crosses his arms promptly, and renjun snorts. “what...are you moderating our conversation?” jeno and jaemin both give off awkward laughs at that, but then silence returns. renjun doesn’t want to say anything, the tension in the room giving renjun bad vibes.

 

“-if you liked him so much, why didn’t you just tell me?” jaemin says, snapping renjun out of his silence. renjun desperately wants to scream that he never meant to hurt jaemin, but now, as he looks back, he can see that that is exactly what he did. he could’ve solved this is a million other ways that would have better results, but instead, renjun chose to sneak around, to leave without a warning.

 

renjun hasn’t dealt with any of the consequences of leaving, and right now, it feels like all are being thrown at him. feelings of rejection and embarrassment are streaming off of jaemin, and renjun wishes once again he could go back in time and change how he left.

 

“renjun, don’t you think you own jaemin an apology?” taeyong says, placing a hand on renjun’s shoulder, the first contact they’ve had for the past few weeks. usually taeyong’s hand feels warm, but this time it feels like it’s burning, burning a hole into renjun’s shoulder or pushing him down where he belongs on the ground.

 

renjun looks down at the floor. “yeah, i guess so. i’m sorry for walking out, and dating you even though i loved jeno.”

 

jaemin looks smug and it hits renjun why they’re really here. why taeyong and jaemin sat to make sure that only renjun would sit next to jaemin and taeyong, and jeno in the armchair seat alone. he stands up with his realizations, and turns to face the two.

“so are you guys done trying to make me feel guilty now or….are you just gonna continue?” he gestures to the door, his face in outrage knowing exactly what they were trying to do. “we weren’t trying to do any sort of thing.” jaemin says calmly, but renjun can see through his tricks.  

renjun grits his teeth. “no, you’re here to make me feel bad, to blame me because you-” he looks pointedly to taeyong, “would rather have jaemin to be a cousin in law rather than jeno just because of appearances, and i don’t even need to say what you want.” he looks disgustedly at jaemin and then back to the both of them as their faces get paler and paler.

“did you plan this?” he demands an answer, and taeyong stands up at those words, saying a small “yes.” before scrambling out of their house, jaemin following closely after. renjun know's he'll forgive them in the future. but today, it's not happening.

 

they leave silently, letting jeno, who didn’t say a single word the whole time, and renjun, who practically burst right then and there, sort out their thoughts.

 

they make eye contact, and renjun is suddenly reminiscing of the first time they made eye contact like this.

 

five years ago, a huge classroom filled with students to the brim learning “writing 101”. jeno sits next to renjun, and they form a tight bond that none of their friends can understand. it’s understandable to renjun, after all, what do a biology major and a art major have in common? but they never run out of topics to talk about, and after some time, they transfer, straight from friends to lovers, with no awkward middle relationship. but renjun guesses he could consider the three years they stopped interacting could count as an awkward middle relationship, which brings him back to that painful night of glances that follow him everywhere and a jeno that confused him in the faint lighting.

 

“jeno?” he says his words delicately, choosing carefully what to say. “why did i see that guy pressed up on you?” he asks as jeno’s chest tightens.

 

“it’s a terrible story,” he says firstly, looking shameful. “but my parents—you know what they’re like right?—well they thought that you weren’t good enough for me, and staged that whole mess.” he laughs sarcastically. “can you believe it? at least your family knows when to stop. my parents, my parents wanted to hurt us by making you think i cheated on you.” he shakes his disbelief as he looks up to renjun, “but you have to believe me, i mean the only thing i could think of when he pressed up against me was you and how terrible this all was. and then...after, i couldn’t explain myself, because rumors popped up that you had a new guy, and all of a sudden, i was angry, and i told myself that you didn’t deserve an explanation.”

 

“i understand.” renjun softly says, placing his hand into jeno’s.

 

“we do crazy things for love.” his gaze wanders up from their linked hands to jeno’s eyes.

 

it's just like that, secrets are spilled out, and lives are changed—for the better.

 

and it’s in this moment renjun realizes that he truly wants to spend the rest of his life with jeno.

 

//////////

 

**NEW YEAR’S DAY  | CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT**

_‘hold on, to the memories they will hold onto you’_

 

they’re dancing at one of taeyong’s parties a three years down the road, and jeno stands still for a moment to appreciate the lights, the drinks, and the bright atmosphere of the room. renjun drops out of the room to go to the kitchen to bring back drinks for himself and jeno. but on the way there, he spots a recognizable face. “taeyong!” he yells, waving at the man who shoves everyone between them. their eyes both light up at sight of each other. “i’m so happy to see you!” renjun yells in excitement once they meet, hugging the older.

 

taeyong scoffs at that. “this is my own party, of course i’m going to be here, idiot.” he answers with affection. “

 

i just wanted to thank you. you were the reason i became who i am.” renjun glances up to taeyong, his eyes filled with love. “thank you because without you, i would have never met jeno again, i would have never gotten the courage to love him again.” it might be sappy of renjun to say that, but his heart truly means it. he’s grateful to taeyong for all that’s he’s done.

 

“thank you.” renjun says, and taeyong smiles, grateful at his words.

 

it’s these two words that tell taeyong that he hasn’t fucked up everything, that renjun is happy, and that makes taeyong happy too. 

 

and so, all he does is look at the younger straight in the eyes and smile, taking his time answer. “i’ve always just wanted you to be happy.”

 

“and i really am. look at me, i’m with the one i love the most, and i can’t think of anything that could make me happier.” renjun replies reassuringly.

 

renjun didn’t think he could love anyone so much, but now jeno means everything renjun. he can’t think of anything else besides lee jeno. he admires how hard jeno works himself, and he cannot imagine a world without him. lee jeno is everything in a person renjun’s ever wanted, and now he realizes it: no matter what he does, no matter how many times they break up, it has always jeno. jeno is end game.

 

as for jeno, huang renjun means a sweet boy that captured his heart along with his mind. _huang renjun_ is special to him. he constantly relies on renjun, on his words and his soothing personality; he relaxes immediately with renjun next to him. renjun is a fundamental part of jeno now; without renjun, jeno would be a cold and distinctly different person. through that drama and the tears, it has always been renjun. renjun is end game.

 

they are end game.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for giving this a chance, for clicking on it and reading through it! this story was so very much inspired by taylor swift's reputation album. 
> 
> i hope you guys liked it!! tell me what you thought <33
> 
> edit: sjjfjfjf we go up iS A MASTERPIECE IM SO IN LOVE AHHHHHHH


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